Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
