I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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