I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
