I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
