i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
