Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
