You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
