While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
