i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
