census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
