Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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