I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
