What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
