I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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