You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
