You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
