U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
