What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
