I can text with my tongue
that's an acceptable place to lick
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You're like the curious george of whores
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
