Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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