shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
