I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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