you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
