as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
