so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
