I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
