I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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