well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
