I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
