There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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