She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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