drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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