Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize