You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
