he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
