hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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