does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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