You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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