margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
