I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Last time i carry you out of a forest
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
