you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You smell like stripper and shame
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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