Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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