Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
