sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
