I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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