Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
