Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
