I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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