I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
