I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
did i walk over a car last night?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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