I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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