Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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