so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
