dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize