make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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