i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
