you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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