Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
