So drunk its hurt
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
