We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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