so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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