hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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