HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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