I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
