A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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