Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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