Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
