my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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