Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
