if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
