My first STD was from a foam party
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize