god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
