why didn't you poke me back
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
