my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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