why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
